Things I did not want to hear...

“How are you?”   What a dumb question…I am fine…freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional!!!! Over and OVer and OVer and OVer again!! Everyone just wants to help in some way and they don't realize the impact those questions have. Be honest and up front with people. If you are tired of being asked those questions, then tell them " I am really tired of hearing those questions." It will only continue if not. And if you feel like you can answer those questions then answer them.  Be Kind, they are concerned...  
 
"Are you getting over this?"     You will never get over it, you will just learn how to deal with it better.


'Time will heal all wounds…"      This is b.s.!!!!!!!! We can’t expect that we will ever ‘heal’ from this. Instead, we will have to learn to live through who we have become.
 
‘You’re young’… sometimes I feel like I’m going to hit the roof with this one, or ‘when you move on’… there is no ‘moving on’. I am growing and learning how to deal with my every day grief, and please respect the fact that it will be a part of my life forever, as time goes on it doesn’t erase that part of my life.

*I bought the cemetary plot next to Christopher... I know that is where I want to be. The day I purchased it, the man selling them to me proceeded to tell me this was the wrong idea... I knew then and I knew now, Right next to him is where I want to be- He then asked what if you get remarried... blah, blah. I have remarried to an amazing guy who purchased the plot on the other side of me. If someone truly cares about you, they will understand your needs and will honor your wishes. Make your own descisions. 
 
Are you ok? How are you doing? Are you getting through this alright? Over and OVer and OVer and OVer again!! Everyone just wants to "help" in some way and they don't realize the impact those questions have. Be honest and up front with people. If you are tired of being asked those questions, then tell them " I am really tired of hearing those questions." It will only continue if not. And if you feel like you can answer those questions then answer them.

Getting Started...

Recently, I received an email regarding the way people are portraying my character and the way I am running my business. I chose to ignore these words as I found them vindictive and hurtful. Then I had someone come to me, explaining how I am inspiring to them, as they are now a young widow. She told me that she was afraid to talk about her deceased husband, post pictures on face book because people thought it was “weird” and that she felt alone. At that time, I realized I wanted to voice out!

I want to make a difference in the lives who have been hurt by a tragedy. If I can help out one person, in the long journey of healing, then it was completely worth it!

For those of you who don’t know me, let me start off by telling my story….

In 2006, I became a wife. The year 2007, I was blessed by becoming a mother, and in 2008, became a widow. At nineteen years old, I was making funeral arrangements for my husband and father to my son. Picking out a casket, the flowers, the songs, and obituary pictures, I am completely numb and in total disbelief this is my live. I just knew any minute I was going to wake up from a nightmare, but it just continued. The days leading up to the funeral, I found myself going to the scene of the wreck and literally digging for anything of his. I just knew this wasn’t him, and it was a mistake. After two days of searching, I found his glasses. And when I did- It hit me like a ton of bricks- my worst of fears were true. It was my Christopher that was gone. At the visitation I didn’t step a foot away from him. I couldn’t see him or touch him- but I wasn’t leaving his side. Before the services, I kissed his casket walked to my seat and never a heard a word until they called the pallbearers up to take him outside and I felt like I wouldn’t be able to move. I made the decision to ride in his truck, windows down, music up just like he would have been riding. I found myself at the cemetery not wanting to leave his side. I felt guilty for leaving him there and from that day out= every day, {often several times} I went to visit him. Landon and I would have a picnic, or play catch. Months went by and I still hurt just like the day I heard the news. I didn’t eat or sleep. I realized this pain was not going away.

I always felt for the parents of the young who passed, but never really thought about if they had a spouse or a child. I could never imagine the loss of a child, so I couldn’t compare my hurt to that hurt. Nor to the widows who lost their spouse to cancer or illness. Mine was different, it was tragic and sudden… I wanted someone to talk to and to relate too. I searched the interest for endless hours and found very, very few groups that were for young adults. I couldn’t bare the thought of my son growing up not knowing his daddy so I decided I was going to make sure he did. I had pictures of Christopher all over our home, let him play in daddy’s boots, let him watch home-videos, and told him stories about the man his daddy was and things he liked. When I got with my current husband, Bret. It was very clear the goal I had set for myself to give Landon memories of his dad, since he was at such a young age when he passed. Bret lost his dad when he was a baby, so he knew the journey I was going to face with Landon. The most precious words and advice Bret gave me was to keep that going for him. Nearly 4 years later, I am re-married have another son and I still have pictures of Christopher in our home, talk about him and Bret has never stood in my way of keeping Christopher’s memory alive for Landon. Even though, I have a life that is still going- My past has not gone away. I still hurt, I still miss him more and more each day- I have just learned to deal with the pain and be thankful for what I have and the time I have with the people I love. By posting, “I miss Christopher today…” on face book is in no way disrespectful to Bret. He knows sometimes I just want to say his name…

As time goes by, the people we lose kind of slip away if you don’t give the opportunity for them to stay.

Coming to my conclusion, I am making an offer for you to tell me your story… talk about them, miss them, love them, reminisce. I WELCOME your pictures to my facebook wall, my email inbox or letter in my mailbox. Until someone has stepped in your shoes, should no one make fun or put you down.

 As for Morgan Due Photography, Christopher is the inspiration behind it. In every photo I take of you- I try to capture the essence of that moment. The way a partner holds a hand, the way one touches your face when you’re being kissed, the smile on your Childs’ face looking at the parent, the difference in size of shoes, or the way one holds you while giving a big bear hug--- That’s because of him.. I love looking back and giving my memories to my Landon just like you can give to yours. They don’t offer a “accidental car wreck walk” and I can’t give donations to that cause, so please forgive me for remembering him threw my everyday life, my business and my child. Ladies & GENTS: When someone questions you…. I think that you should remember they aren’t reminded like we are every day of our loss. We wake up every day reliving the fact that they’re gone, and I think the thought only occasionally crosses their minds, when they happen to run into us casually at the store. They are not going through a major life change. It may be easy for them to think that it should be that way because they are over it, but it didn't affect their lives like it did yours. If they are not supportive of your grief process, find help from people who are their for you and your well being. It’s just that no one can possibly understand the long-term effects losing such a loved one can bring. First of all, there will never be a time when you will be ‘cured’. You will forever be without your spouse/partner. Therefore, you will be going through the healing process much longer than a year, five, or ten.